Towards a more authentic you
At work, in life and in love, everyone is waiting for your authentic self
In an era of photo-filters and edits, its easy to put on a digital mask and hide behind our screens. No wonder we have fewer real friends, shallow and/or transactional relationships, and work jobs that are largely meaningless.
It’s easy to blame everyone for your woes. But change begins with you. If you want to attract really high quality people in your life — be it for love, work or travel buddies in this journey called life — you want to step into your authenticity.
Most people define attraction as intelligence, confidence, cleanliness, humor and much more. But authenticity takes attraction to a whole new level. When you get real, people notice. And they follow suit. But what is it to be authentic?
Quit People Pleasing
You catch more flies with honey than vinegar
I was raised in a culture where one was taught to put others above oneself. Over time this morphs into a feeling of trying to please everyone. Guess who that attracts? Narcissists, liars, cheaters, gold-diggers, drama queens, manipulators and takers. Basically a bunch of people (flies) with low self-esteem who just love to leech (off of you, honey).
People pleasing is not “nice”. It is a totally fake front. You are only trying to please hoping for a reward in return. And no, you are not really concerned about “others”. You are still concerned about yourself and what you get in return.
Much of this stems from the fear of not being liked. This is an insecurity that we try to mask. You cannot please everybody — so become comfortable with the fact that some people are not going to like you.
Heck, even you don’t like everyone you meet.
The minute you quit pleasing others and put your own interests above the world, you will lose some people. Leachers will immediately take notice. They will sweet talk you to try to change you. Next step, establish boundaries.
Boundaries & Congruence
Boundaries are about knowing who you are, your needs, your limits, and being able to communicate and enforce that with strength.
Taking responsibility for your own happiness and not placing that on others around us — not people pleasing — is the first step.
This is about telling your friend how not to treat you. Or telling your boss that its not okay to disturb you when you are on vacation. Telling your employee that constant interruption during meetings is not cool. Or telling your partner how not to treat you.
Boundaries make you sexy, because they demand respect. It is a sign of how much you value yourself. It is innately sexy because if you don’t, how on earth are you going to take on the responsibility for others?
Lastly, there is congruence. You have to mean what you say and enforce your standards with strength and love (not rudeness). You have to put your foot down where your mouth is (but not literally put your foot in your mouth — although the kind of agility can be attractive too).
Confidence
“Accept who you are. And revel in it.” — Oprah Winfrey
Confidence is not braggadocio. It is not derived from how much money you make, what fancy car you drive, or how ornate your watch is (we sure hope you’re having a good “time” with it).
You cannot fake it. You either have it or you don’t. And people will definitely know in a few interactions, even if they don’t the first time.
It’s okay to not have it all together (who does?). But if you’re insecure in who you really are, people will notice. Your co-workers, the opposite sex, friends and neighbors.
Trust in yourself. Know that there is a force much larger than all of us that cares for you. That you are unique, special and one-of-a-kind. It’s kinda amazing to know that you are that special and to begin accepting all of your strengths and flaws as true inner beauty. Fall in love with you. Be secure in that love. Confidence is a natural next step.
Empathy
“Empathy grows as we learn” — Alice Miller
It grows as we learn about ourselves and others. But what is it?
Empathy is not people pleasing or supplicating. Empathy is the genuine ability to take a walk in someone else’s shoes to feel their feelings.
Without empathy, merely setting boundaries and exuding confidence bordering on bragging makes you a jerk. Empathy makes you human. And a pretty charming one at that.
Being in tune with yourselves and your surroundings makes you empathetic. Almost everyone will feel your aura and presence.
Its hard to be empathetic if you are not in tune with your own feelings first. Practice mindfulness. Speak less. Listen more. Open your heart to yourself first. For when that door is open, and you hold the space, others can flow through it too.
Discipline
“Rule your mind, or it will rule you” — Horace
We all have dreams, desires and ambitions. But how many of us act on it every day? All great things require you to show up.
Whether that’s outer work — becoming fit, eating better, building on that ambitious project; or inner work — practicing mindfulness and taming your mind — you simply have to show up. Every single day.
Authentic people have massive self discipline. This is because they are authentic about the things they choose to pursue, and their congruence begets daily discipline.
There is nothing you cannot accomplish if your bring that kind of single minded determination to anything you choose.
Be Authentic
Truly awesome people possess many of the qualities above, if not more. Really authentic people somehow account for just 3% of the world population.
Choose not to hide behind a mask, clear the smokescreen of self-doubt and judgement, you will stand head and shoulders above the rest. This isn’t about perfection. You will never be that. There is no such thing.
The world is full of counterfeits.
Be real.
About Gypsy
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